Honeymoon from Hell
by i-love-animals
Summary: Ron and Hermione have just got married and are sent on a surprise honeymoon around the world! At first it's a dream come true for our favourite couple, but things turn slightly insane...chaos WILL ensue.
1. Introduction

Honeymoon from Hell – by I-love-animals

Author's note: ok guys, I hope you're not all too mad at me for taking my old story off! But it really wasn't working for me so I did this one instead! I hope it's ok – I haven't written for like months so it might start out a bit iffy but I swear it'll be great! Oh and there's a small prize for anyone who gets the answer to this question – why did I give Ron's boss the name I gave him? I'll tell you in a couple of chapters if nobody gets it. And also, a huge major thanks to Princess Jennifer, who helped with the writing and ideas for this story! She's lovely and an awesome writer too, so go check out her work! Jen – hope you like the reference to Ron and Hermione's house! Speaking of which, I forgot where the Weasleys live so for my sake, we are going to pretend that they live near Devon. Got that? If you have a problem with that, don't flame me please, it's not nice. Anyway, I'll let you get on with the story! Enjoy everybody!

This story is dedicated to my best friend Katie. Thankyou for always being here for me! xx

Ron Weasley, age 23, walked briskly up to the front desk of St Mungo's Hospital. He had grown even taller, and his hair was still the same flaming red and his face still freckly. His voice was deeper but other than a bit more confidence and a bit more brains, he was still the same gangly, immature boy he was from Hogwarts. He was an assistant to a reporter at the Daily Prophet – Damien Ecrivet – so he spent most of his time at a desk filing paperwork. It was a job he loathed, but there was nothing else for him to do and it put dinner on the table each night. He would much rather be with his wife, Hermione Granger, or on a Quidditch pitch in front of thousands of screaming fans.

Hermione and him had got together at the end of their sixth year (much to the relief of the their friends) and had grown steadily closer until the age of 22, when Ron had proposed. The wedding plans and engagement lasted until less than a month ago – when the wedding happened. Ron's eyes misted over and he smiled slightly as he remembered that day – he thought of it as the happiest in his life. Since that beautiful occasion, Hermione and Ron were living in a small house in Devon, with the countryside and the sea. They were of course close to the rest of the Weasleys, and Harry and Ginny (who were living together) and Luna and Neville (also now a couple). That morning, Harry and Ginny had dropped in to their house and told him something that knocked his socks off – he had to get to Hermione (who was a Healer at St Mungo's) and tell her right away.

As he neared the front desk, he looked around and saw that there was no queue so he stepped forward, cleared his throat and looked at the witch behind the counter. He said politely, "Excuse me, is Healer Granger on her break yet?"

The blonde witch looked up with contempt. "I'm sorry," she said, not looking sorry at all, "but I'm rather busy right now, you'll have to wait your turn."

Ron looked around again – there was nobody in sight around the desk. He looked back at the witch, who was now applying liberal amounts of eyeliner. He sighed in exasperation – there was no use in arguing. His best chance was to wait.

A few minutes later, as the witch was opening a tube of lipstick, he asked timidly, 'Um...are you finished yet?"

She looked up from her mirror, "Do I look like I'm finished?"

Ron was now getting angry. He opened his mouth and was about to say, 'if you don't let me in there within the next three seconds I'm going to take your stupid mirror and break it' but he only got to "If-" when Hermione herself came bustling down the hallway. She smiled at him when she saw him.

Hermione was also taller, her hair still bushy and brown and she was still of course, a hard worker and an extremely organised person. But she had changed. She had gained maturity and wisdom as the years went past, and she had learned to look after herself, her friends and the people around her. She had learned to love- she was now a woman. But she had also learnt to laugh, and relax, and she learnt that there are more important things in life than always being the best. Ron, meanwhile, although grown up, still lacked maturity and laughed at toilet jokes. But he was kind, and gentle, and often showed a surprising tenderness with his friends and family. In short, Ron and Hermione were the perfect couple – their own strengths and weaknesses were balanced with each other and they loved one another beyond belief.

Ron smiled back when he saw her, and gave a quick kiss on the cheek as she came up to him. She smiled apologetically and said quietly "I hope you haven't been waiting long – the girl out the front's new and she hasn't quite got the hang of...being..."

"Nice to people?" Ron offered. Hermione grinned.

"Come on, I just got off – let's go and get a cup of tea."

Ten minutes later, when they were both seated comfortably in a café sipping hot sweet tea, Ron said tentatively, "Um, Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"I have something to tell you."

Hermione looked at him closely but said, "Go for it."

"Ok. Well, Harry just dropped by this morning. And he...uh told me some surprising news."

"Yes?"

"Well – for our wedding gift – him, Ginny, the rest of my family, Neville and Luna are paying for us to go on a round the world trip. The muggle way."

Hermione was silent for a moment. Then she shrieked, "Oh my goodness! This is so exciting! Oh, this is wonderful! Oh, we have so much to organise! Ooh, new luggage, passports – oh, this is fabulous!"

Ron was not quite ready for a reaction like this. He waited until Hermione had calmed down a bit and was now smiling with glee and said, "Ok, do we need to go shopping or something?"

"Ooh yes, definitely. Let me make a list!" Ron snorted. How Hermione-ish. After five minutes, the list looked like this:

HONEYMOON HOLIDAY – THINGS TO DO:

Check passport situation. Hermione's passport is up to date but Ron might not have one

Make arrangements for the house

Check with Ginny and Harry if they'd mind taking the cats

Buy luggage

Make arrangements for job notices etc.

As Ron read through it, he said, "Hey, how come you already have a passport?"

"My parents are Muggles, of course I have one."

"Oh. Well, what's a passport?"

"Oh, it's an official document that enables you to get from country to country – Muggle thing."

"Well I don't have one."

"I'll check with Harry and see if they made any arrangements...oh, this is going to be so much fun!"

A/N: well, did you guys like it? I hope so! Sorry this chapter's so short, next one'll be longer. I promise! And don't forget to leave a review, they make me smile!


	2. Welcome Home

A/N: Oh wow guys! Thanks so much to all the lovely, lovely superstars who reviewed. You guys are awesome!

Countess Katook: I'm so glad you liked it! I'm glad you liked the dedication too. You so deserved it!

Princess Jennifer: hey! Glad you enjoyed it – and yes you were my first reviewer! Thanks so much for all your help, I really could not have done it without you!

J.S. Writer: thanks for reviewing! Yes, thanks also for pointing out the Healer Weasley vs. Granger – see a little bit below for an explanation.

me: yep, I love Ron too! Thanks so much for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

macnon: wow, thanks so much for your enthusiasm! I'm glad you liked it.

Oh yes, and it was pointed out in a review that I accidentally wrote Healer Granger instead of Healer Weasley (thankyou! And please let the record show that if I ever do something stupid, let me know because I need to change it/make amends etc) so we're all going to pretend that Hermione kept her maiden name because she is a modern woman. Thanks! Oh and I also want to say SORRY because I forgot to put in the disclaimer last time, so:

DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K Rowling – I own nothing but the plot and I had help with that too from a very good writer, so don't sue me.

On with the story!

CHAPTER 2 – Welcome Home

When Ron and Hermione had both finished their coffees, they went back to their house in Devon. As the walked up the garden path, Ron drew in a deep breath and exhaled with happiness. As he breathed, he caught an occasional whiff of lilies and roses – their front garden was abloom with colour and fragrance. Hermione was also a keen gardener. They made their way up to the small cottage and underneath a series of tall, leafy trees. As the sunlight poured through, the dappled light alternated green and gold and gave the appearance of being a grotto. In the distance the sea could be heard. The front of the cottage was neatly covered partially by purple wisteria that had made its way up to the roof. Jasmine peeked out from under the windows and the front door, painted sky blue, was adorned with a brass knocker.

As they opened their front door, the familiar cozy feeling of coming home greeted them. They walked into their front hall which had a floor covered by pale wooden floor boards, on top of which was a giant rug donated from Fred and George Weasley. The hall went down to the back of the house, with photos lining the white walls. Rooms led off from the main hall. The door on the first left was the main bathroom, the on the right there was the study (filled with books, of course). Then came the spare room, the living room and joint kitchen and dining room. At the back of the house there was Ron and Hermione's bedroom.

As Hermione passed a particular photo of Ron and her on their wedding day, she smiled fondly at Ron's goofy grin. She had never been so happy. And now, just when she thought everything was settling back into routine, there was this bombshell! She couldn't wait to get started.

Ron, meanwhile, had headed off to the kitchen. Their house was clean, but welcoming and not overly stiff and neat. Piled of books lay stacked up on nearly every available surface and Quidditch magazines had been thrown haphazardly into a pile on the coffee table. The house was themed with wooden floorboards and white walls, and there were plenty of windows that let in the sunshine so the house was always bright and airy. Of course, there were many random pot plants in various places, most of which were Hermione's 'experiments' – which generally turned out quite well, surprisingly.

Ron and Hermione sat down on wooden chairs with bright, embroidered cushions. Hermione immediately got straight to business and began writing a note to Harry and Ginny. She finished and called out, "Trinny!"

A small brown owl flapped out and obediently stuck her leg out. She explained to Ron as she sent the owl to Harry and Ginny, "I just said thanks for the lovely surprise, and please come over ASAP so we can work out the finer details."

"Roger that."

They waited and about ten minutes later, Harry and Ginny apparated into their living room. Hermione shrieked and ran forward to give Ginny a hug, then Harry. Ron grinned broadly and kissed his little sister on the cheek, then did that handshake/whack on back to Harry – the one that all males seem to know instinctively.

Ginny had not changed one bit. She still had the notorious flaming head of hair, and was still feisty and stubborn. But time had softened her and she was gentler than she was. Harry, meanwhile, had changed a lot and had learnt to – instead of bottling up his feelings – let them out constructively. The most dramatic changes began halfway through their sixth year when they Harry and Ginny began going out. Ginny encouraged him to let them know how he was feeling and was a rock of support through his angsty teenage years. He was much calmer now, and laughed a lot. He also had the gift of making people laugh, something that was never seen before when he was so miserable.

After they were all sitting around a pot of tea, Ginny began the story of how they decided on the present.

"Well, we all-"

"That's the rest of the Weasleys, plus Neville and Luna," added Harry.

"Yes – we knew that we definitely wanted to get you something a bit out of the ordinary, you know, not just that standard set of mugs and all that. So we ended up spending...gosh, it would've added up to be about three or four months deciding, wouldn't it, honey?" she asked, turning to Harry.

"Yeah, I reckon," he grumbled. "Every time we got near deciding something, someone changed their mind or whined, but then we finally came up with this idea."

"So – where exactly are we going to go?" asked Ron excitedly, who slightly resembled a 7-year old opening a birthday present.

"Thought you might ask...well, for a change we though we'd let you start all the way over in the Pacific Islands and let you spend a week or so in Tahiti!"

Hermione squealed with delight and Ron exclaimed, "Woah, cool! Then what?"

"Um...well, we though it'd be a nice surprise if we didn't tell you until you had to go there. We found this really cool organisation that does surprise trips and they helped us sort a few things out. We booked you a sort of guide person, who pops up every now and then and checks on how you're doing. And don't worry, it won't be in the middle of the night or anything. You get given a beeper thing and the guide has the other one so when he's coming, he'll let it beep a few times. At the end of the week in Tahiti, your guide will come along and tell you where next. And just so you didn't figure out where you're going, we made the destinations rather random so you'll be flying off everywhere. No specific patterns."

"Wow..." Hermione breathed, "This is so cool!"

After sorting out a few more details, they chatted and caught up some more. They found out that the company had already worked out a passport for Ron (Hermione already had one, being Muggle-born), they just needed a photo and then it'd all be set. Other than that, there was just packing and work arrangements etc. to be done – it seemed that the company had taken care of everything! By the time they finished, it was nearing nightfall.

"Well, we better go," said Ginny. "It's getting kind of late, and Mum wanted me to drop off some plates I borrowed from her ages and ages ago. She said she'd start charging rent if I didn't bring them back by the end of the week."

"Give our love to everyone," said Hermione.

"Will do,"

"Bye," said Ron. They walked them to the door and waved from the window, and then Ron flopped down on the couch in the living room.

"Well." he said.

"Well indeed," replied Hermione.

"What do you think?"

"Of what?"

"The honeymoon, duh!"

"Oh right! Of course...well, I am so excited I can't believe it! I think I'm still in shock. I thought that we were only going on a little trip around England and maybe over to France and Italy but this...it's just a dream come true. You?"

"I have to say, ditto."

They pottered around a bit more as Hermione made more lists of things to be done. Ron read his Quidditch magazine.

Much later again, Ron looked up and said, "Oh, it's really late now. Do you want me to make dinner?"

Hermione smiled, "That would be lovely."

Ron was actually a very good cook – as soon as Fred and George found out about the engagement they enrolled him in a cooking class, so as to give Hermione a break at least some of the time. What they had not banked on was the fact the Ron was really good at whipping up dishes and actually quite enjoyed it.

Ten minutes later, Ron shuffled into the dining room, oven mitts on and a steaming dish of food in each hand. He was wearing a frilly pink apron that read KISS THE COOK, another gift from Fred and George. Hermione walked in, folding her papers neatly into a pile and straightening her green Healer robes that she hadn't changed out of. She tucked her hair behind her ears and breathed in deeply.

"Mmm...delicious," she grinned as caught a whiff of the grilled lamb and roast potatoes Ron had brought out. She looked him up and down and said cheekily, "Don't mind if I do," and leant over kissed him on the lips. It had become a sort of tradition, every time Ron wore that apron Hermione gave him a kiss.

Soon they were seated and munching away. They talked about what to pack and argued over how much was needed etc.

"Tomorrow we'll go over to London and buy new luggage, then we'll get the passport photo for you. After that I'll have to drop into work and let them know what's happening. Shouldn't you go and let your boss know too?"

"Yeah, I spose..." Ron sighed. In truth, he was really glad to get away from work for a while. Damien, his boss, was driving him up the wall – he was so picky about everything.

When they finished dinner, Hermione cleared the table and put the plates in the sink. Their kitchen was fairly small but Hermione's keen eye had rearranged a few things and had put everything in the right cupboards, so stuff was mostly easy to get to. Again there were polished wooden floors and stainless steel benches. The wide windows were adorned with small, colourful pot plants and on the night breeze came the smell of salt, from the sea.

When everything was neatly put away, Hermione said tiredly, "I'm going to go and have a shower, then I'm off to bed. I am so tired!"

"Me too. Be quick in the shower, I'll hop in straight after you. Then I'll go to bed too, I reckon."

"Ok."

Hermione headed back to the main bathroom. In her and Ron's bedroom there was a small ensuite but that just contained a toilet, sink and medicine cabinet. She shut the door, undressed and put her clothes neatly in the hamper by the door. She hopped into the shower and sang softly to herself as she scrubbed and rinsed her hair – something she did only when she was happy. She got out, dried off and changed into the pajamas Ron got her for her last birthday – a pale blue cotton T-shirt and matching pants with purple stripes. She padded out softly to her room and called out to Ron, "Shower's free!"

He bolted for the shower and undressed, flinging his clothes untidily in the middle of the floor. As he washed, he hummed loudly and out of tune. He got out and changed into the pajamas Hermione had gotten HIM for his last birthday – a bright orange T-shirt and luridly fluoro boxer shorts. He noticed the clothes scattered ungraciously across the bathroom and hurriedly shoved them in the hamper – something which was of course Hermione's idea.

He went back down to his bedroom where he found Hermione reading quietly with her bedside lamp on. He jumped into bed and Hermione put her book away. Their bedroom had white walls (the only colour they could agree on) but was saved from being boring by the bright cushions and blankets piled on their bed. Hermione had objected to the amount of orange at first, but then told herself marriage was all about compromise. She got her own back by the hamper in the bathroom and other various "neatness inducing" devices.

She lay back contented onto the white sheets and pillows (she had at least managed to argue her way into confining the orange to throws and decorative cushions). Ron leant on one elbow and kissed her gently on the forehead. She smiled and kissed him back.

"Night-night."

"Night-night."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

As they slept peacefully beside one another through the night, they felt, through their dreams, that all was right with the world.

A/N: Ooh, I hope you liked it! Hope it wasn't too awfully soppy but I wanted to convey Ron and Hermione's feelings for each other accurately – or at least how I imagined them. Again I hope you liked it! Please leave a review if you can! They make me so happy! ï


	3. Reunion, Photo Madness and More

A/N: Hi everyone! Before going into the chapter, I just wanted to say a massive thankyou to everybody who reviewed! You're all so awesome! There will be a list of individual thankyous plus a proper author's not down the bottom.

CHAPTER 3 – Reunion, Photo Madness and More...

The next morning, Ron opened his eyes and yawned. Sunlight poured through the window and he smiled to himself. It was going to be another gorgeous day.

He got out of bed and made his way slowly to the kitchen, where he found Hermione already sitting down at the table, her hair neatly brushed and tied up and already dressed. She said bossily, "Ok, this morning we're going to your family's place to say thanks and catch up with the rest of them and then we'll head over London to go shopping. After that we'll get your photo. Also when you were still asleep Harry sent Hedwig – she's doing well for an old owl by the way – and said he set us up a meeting with the guide person. He's going to tell us in detail how things work. Then after lunch I have to go in to work – Suzy swapped shifts with me again – so that'll be a perfect chance to let them know how long we'll be away for. After that I thought it might be nice to go out for dinner, we're meeting Harry and Ginny again and Neville and Luna as well. Also the twins said they might drop by too."

Ron snorted. Typical Hermione, organising the whole day before it had even begun. He said, "Ok. Are you nearly ready to go?"

"Yep, just let me grab my bag..." she shuffled around for a bit, dropping in various bits of paper and the neat stack of lists as she went.

When they were finally standing in front of the fireplace, Ron leant up and grabbed the silver pot of Floo powder on top of the mantelpiece. He through a pinch in the fire and said clearly, "The Burrow," and then whooshed away. Hermione followed.

They arrived in the Weasleys' living room where Mrs. Weasley was knitting. As she saw them, she jumped up and flew towards Ron. She gave him a bone-crushing hug and then moved to Hermione, saying as she went, "Oh, lovely! It's so wonderful you could both come! Arthur's just outside, and Bill and Charlie are upstairs."

Just then, Arthur Weasley shuffled in from next door. He looked tired and weary but when he saw Ron and Hermione, his face lit up. He hurried towards them, greeting them warmly.

"Ron, Hermione! It's so good to see you again!"

Hermione smiled back and replied, "Thanks, and the same to you! We're sorry we couldn't stop by earlier but we just had to come and see you to say thankyou for such a wonderful present!"

Just then, Bill and Charlie came downstairs and greeted them again. After all the "hello"s and "how are you"s had been said, Mrs. Weasley bustled off to make them all tea.

Soon they were seated around the Weasley's comfortable living room, sipping hot sweet tea. Hermione noticed a slightly unfamiliar taste about it and asked Mrs. Weasley, "This tea is a bit unusual...where is it from?"

Mrs. Weasley replied, "Oh, it's from Luna's shop. She's just opened a place that sells all natural medicines and teas, you know the like. This one's got lemon, chamomile, lavender and a bunch of other herb-y type stuff. They're really very good. She makes them all herself."

After about an hour, Hermione said apologetically, "Well, we better go now. It was so lovely to catch up with you all, and once again thankyou!"

"You're quite welcome dear, it was the least we could do. You and Ronnie make such a lovely couple." replied Mrs. Weasley.

Ron blushed and hurried Hermione to the Weasleys' fireplace where they Flooed to London. They got out and walked to a big shopping centre.

Hermione walked quickly past several shops and stopped at one that sold bags and luggage. She strode purposefully in with Ron following meekly behind her. With some things, it was best to let Hermione take charge.

After browsing at several stands, a perky young shop assistant came up and said to Hermione, "Excuse me, ma'am, may I help you?"

Hermione replied, "Yes actually, we're looking for travelling sets. We need new luggage."

"Of course ma'am, right this way."

They followed him down to the back of the store where he left them on their own to look. After fifteen minutes of Hermione tutting about shabby locks and dodgy zips, Ron was getting bored. He pointed hopefully at a likely looking candidate.

"How about this one?"

"No, no, no. See the stitching along the hem? That'll come undone as soon as the suitcase is filled."

"Ok, how about this one?"

"Absolutely not – look at the zip on this thing, that'll fly off at the slightest bump."

They went on like this until Ron was nearly in tears of boredom. Hermione finally noticed him looking hopefully outside and said sympathetically, "Ok, you go outside and wait. I'll finish up in here. Oh, I know! You can go and get your photo done! Now see that little booth over there?" she pointed outside to a Muggle photo both.

"Yeah?"

"Well you go in there and put some money in the hole that says 'MONEY'. Then you press the buttons – everything will already be written there on the wall – and sit quietly on the seat. When the green light comes on, smile. Then there will be a flash – and don't panic, that's just the photo being taken – and you wait a few seconds, then take the photos that come out of the slot in the wall. Got it?"

"I think so." He gulped.

"Good. Now here's some Muggle money," she said, handing him a handful of change. "I'll meet you outside the booth when you're done."

"Ok. Good luck with suitcases." He wandered back up the shop and over to the photo booth. On the way, he marveled at this strange Muggle shopping centre. A little boy holding a dripping ice cream tugged on his mother's arm and said loudly, pointing at Ron, "Mummy why is that man's head on fire?"

The embarrassed mother shushed her son and said, "Be quiet, Jimmy, don't be so rude." Ron scowled slightly. He got into the photo booth and shut the curtain. On the side of the wall, there was a notice that said, PRESS BUTTON FOR REQUIRED PHOTO. Below that there was a series of smaller buttons along side labels which read things like, "Best Friends, Portrait and Single."

He scanned down the list, muttering, "Passport...passport...aha, bingo." He pressed the button which flashed and then said, "insert money now". He did as he was told, thinking cockily to himself, 'this thing isn't so bad. What was Hermione talking about?'

He then sat quietly on the seat and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

By now he was getting impatient and he wondered what was going on. He got off the seat and pressed his face right up close to the walls, searching for a button that he might've missed. Suddenly there was a flash and he jumped back in horror. A few seconds later, the photos came out of the slot. Ron looked at them and nearly fainted.

The photo was of his face squished up in one corner of the photograph. His freckles stood out unnaturally and his mouth was slightly opened. One eye was half closed and altogether the photo looked as though it had been taken when Ron was about to vomit.

Damn! He thought. If only he had sat on the chair, then he could have had a nice, normal photo like everyone else. He got out of the booth and stomped over to Hermione who was checking her watch and waiting for him nervously. She saw him and exclaimed, "There you are! I was wondering where you'd got to, you've been gone for ages! Ooh, how are the photos! Let me have a look."

He wordlessly passed over the sheet of photos, still in shock. She scanned them and her face stayed blank. She looked up at his quivering bottom lip and said, "Oh they're not that bad. They're just a little...erm...a bit..."

"Come on, admit it. They suck."

"Ok, they are pretty socking. But it doesn't matter. Go on, we'll go and take them again and this time I'll stand outside and say the instructions through the curtain. Come on, we'll fix it up." Hermione consoled him. She took him by the hand but when they got to the photo booth, a sign on the door said CLOSED FOR REPAIRS.

Ron whimpered. Hermione looked anxious but then said, "Ron, it's not that bad. We can just use these, nobody cares about how you look on your passport."

"Hermione, they're awful! I look like I've just been out all night and then spent the morning throwing up!"

"It doesn't matter. You're still the most handsome man I know, regardless of a bad photo." She smiled, kissing him. This caused two old ladies at the water fountain to stop their gossiping and smile fondly at the two young people.

Hermione blushed slightly and said, "Come on, we better head off to the meeting with the guide now. Let's go."

Soon they arrived at their meeting destination. They stood outside a big, white marble building with the letters AT HOME AND ABROARD – FOR ALL YOUR TRAVELLING NEEDS etched in gold along the top. Ron looked up and whispered to Hermione, "Wow, snazzy!"

She nodded and they walked up the steps past a small fishpond and into the main entrance of the building. Inside, the walls, ceiling and floor were all white marble and there was a receptionist at the front desk. She was very pretty, with dark hair and light brown eyes. She was wearing white robes with a golden badge pinned to them, which read, "Lola Epstein – receptionist".

She looked up and smiled in greeting and said, "You must be Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger?"

"Yes, we are."

"Ah, right this way. Your meeting is just upstairs. Let me show you."

The followed her up the stairs (white marble, of course) and down a corridor. There were doors lining all the walls with golden numbers printed on them. Lola muttered to herself as she strode down the hall, "64...65...66...ah, here we are, number 67. Goodbye, Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger."

"Goodbye," Hermione called out behind her.

"Nice service," Ron whispered once again to Hermione.

"Yeah, I know – looks like they really got it right by picking this place." She murmured back.

Just then, the door opened and a small, balding man in a safari suit bounced out and said in a thick accent, "Right this please, right this way!" Hermione and a very puzzled Ron followed him into the room.

As soon as they walked in and shut the door behind them, the room vanished and turned into an African safari scene. The small man was jumping about trying to get a chair down form a tree- how it got there nobody knew. He puffed and panted until Ron leant up and pulled it down for him.

"Thankyou young man, thankyou so much." He said as he sat down. Ron and Hermione stood awkwardly in front of him. "Well, sit down, there's plenty of room for us all out here. And don't be afraid of the bugs, they won't hurt you. My office is just bewitched to look like Africa. I spent many years there studying so I feel most at home there. Ah, the memories..." he trailed off.

Ron looked at Hermione quizzically and mouthed, 'he's a nut'. Hermione frowned and shook her head slightly and mouthed back, 'listen to him'. The old man snapped back to reality and said hurriedly, "Oh dear, I'm so sorry about that. You must think I'm dreadfully rude, not introducing myself. I'm Professor Nigel Epstein, but you may call me Nigel or Nige."

"Epstein...wasn't that the name of the receptionist?" Ron asked.

"Oh yes, she's my daughter. Very organised, very well mannered, so she's a joy to have around the place to help out. Anyway, I expect you'll be wanting to know about the procedures for you holiday, yes?"

They nodded.

He went on, "Well, as you know, you are going to Tahiti first. All accommodation has been taken care of and we have always tried to provide the best but there may be occasions in which...well, we'll worry about that when we get to it. I will meet you in one week at Heathrow Airport to help you get on the plane and see you off. From there, you will not need to worry about a thing. Once your time in Tahiti is up, I will page you on the beeper-" at this he stopped and pulled out a black pager from a canvas tote bag hanging around his shoulder and handed it to Ron, "And ten minutes later, I will Apparate to your whereabouts. There is a ten-minute warning so if you're in the shower or something you have time to get dressed. Now, this beeper is very, very important. You must not lose it. If you ever get into any trouble at all, you can beep me – the number is programmed into it already. This beeper is your lifeline and I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to keep it safe. My suggestion is to tape it to your chest, or sew it into the inside lining of your clothes. Just do not lose it.

"All of the airfares, just like the accommodation, has already been taken care of. You have to do the minimal amount of work on this holiday, seeing as it is your honeymoon."

Hermione and Ron digested all of the information. Nigel opened his mouth again and said, "Now, is there anything else you're unsure about?"

"I don't think so," Ron replied.

"Excellent! Well, I think that's all – now, my daughter will show you out..." as if on cue, there was a knock and the door reappeared. The African jungle disappeared. They said thankyou and left. Hermione looked at her watch and gasped.

"Oh no, I was supposed to be at work half an hour ago!"

"But Hermione, you don't start for another half an hour anyway!" Ron said, puzzled.

"Yes, but I always try and be there an hour early, just in case!"

"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to settle with being there half an hour early. Besides, why does Suzy always swap with you? Can't you take the day off? You know, we could spend some time together..." he said slyly.

"Ron, stop it. We've spent the day together and the reason I fill in for Suzy is because she takes my early shifts for me when I do."

Ron pouted and said sulkily, "Fine. Go then. I'm sure I'll manage just fine on my own.

"I'm sure you will too. Toodles."

Ron pouted once again and Apparated home again. There was still another three hours before he was supposed to start getting ready for dinner with Harry, Ginny, Neville and Luna. How was he going to pass the time? Suddenly an excellent thought popped into his head. I know...he thought...I'll have a nap.

Hi everyone! Sorry about the crummy ending but I need to finish because I've been writing all morning and my shoulders are hurting. Also, many, many apologies for the late update! I've just gone back to school and I've been absolutely swamped with homework – you know how it is. But I've got the latest chapter up and I hope you all enjoyed it! Cheers!

INDIVIDUAL THANKYOUS GO TO...

kendra is cheese: thankyou so much for reviewing! I am working as fast I can on chapters – I'm so glad you like it!

Goddess Of Idun: thanks so much! Wow, you want to put me on your author alerts' list? That's so nice. Do you have any stories? I'd be happy to read and review yours if you'd like.

Lindsey: thanks so much! I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks so much for taking the time to review!

SwingOnAStar: thanks for reviewing! I hope you do have time to finish ï

Sophianwin: thanks for your feedback – I really appreciate honest advice. If there' anything else, let me know because I really appreciate constructive criticism! Thankyou for taking the time to review as well!

Sappjody: thankyou very much!

Nicole: thanks so much! And thankyou for reviewing as well.

Princess Jennifer: thanks! Of course, go Devon. Haha, maybe Ben will help you? Thanks for all your help!

Grizzbi: no I didn't! And I'm helping you with your story too, which is better than mine anyway. So there!

Countess Katook: OMG I am so sorry I haven't written for so long! My e-mail got all stuffed up but I'll write as soon as I can! I do hope you're not mad! Thanks so much for your lovely review btw. And go Fred and George! Let me know how couples day goes!

IWILLmarryDanielRadcliffe: I most certainly am smiling! Thanks so much for taking the time to review – twice! It was very nice and your reviews were very nice! No, good try but that's not the reason I called him Damien. Think about his last name and what his job is...that was a pretty big clue, so I bet you'll get it now! I'll let you know v. soon about what it means if you don't get it in the next couple chapters. Thanks for reviewing!


	4. Those Pesky Sales Assistants

A/N: Er…I am actually scared you'll al be too mad at me to review. But please don't be. Check out my new and improved (hey, isn't that an oxymoron…?) bio for a list of excuses. Enough said, on with the story.

CHAPTER 4: THOSE PESKY SALES ASSISTANTS

The next week past in a blur of flurrying around and organising last minute preparations, such as stocking up on travel sized toiletries, buying appropriate clothes etc. Since they had no idea where they were going (other than Tahiti, stop 1), they had been equipped with a what could be described as a debit card – it had been programmed to transfer money out of a Gringotts account arranged by the travel company, so whenever they needed spare cash they could use the card. This was so when they got to their destination, they could quickly purchase appropriate clothing for the weather.

Ron and Hermione's latest hunt for gear fitting Tahitian weather had led them to a department store in London, where a sign out the front loudly proclaimed 'summer fashion – men and women's styles! IN STORE NOW!' They were looking for swimming costumes and shorts, singlets and T-shirts – general beachwear.

Ron groaned inwardly, shopping was not one of his best assets. Little did he know, Hermione was looking forward to this shopping trip as much as he was. However, she put on her 'I am totally in control here' face and purposefully opened the door. They stepped inside and were greeted by a mammoth smorgasbord of products – clothing, underwear, indoor furnishings, outdoor furnishings, soft furnishings, beds, toys, books, electronics and CDs. The only thing the store didn't come equipped with was a NASA rocket launching pad, and even then Ron thought they might have one out the back.

He meekly followed Hermione into the clothing section, which was essentially half the store. She walked him into women's wear, then into the swimwear department.

"Right – we'll try on my stuff first, because I'll probably be faster. Then we can spend however long you want with what you need to get."

Before Ron had a chance to reply, a large, busty, elderly woman with a perm straight out of the eighties waltzed up. She smiled sickeningly at them both, "Hiiiii," she said, stretching out her vowels. Her voice was decidedly nasal and irritating. "How are we today?"

Strongly resisting the urge to say, "WE are doing just fine thanks," Hermione meekly replied, "Um…well, thank you."

"Good, that's good. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, we're actually just loo-"

"Ok, great to hear it. I highly recommend for the little lady here our Susan range, very popular with the women." She dragged them both over to a rack of clothing that Hermione's grandmother wouldn't be seen dead in. Lurid flowers, bold tropical prints and very high-waisted, big shouldered clothes stared back at them.

"Now try these on."

Before Hermione knew what was happening, the sales assistant had picked up an armful of the hideous clothes and thrown them (and Hermione) into a change room. The next ten minutes were so horribly traumatic that Hermione made Ron swear he would never bring it up again. Basically, it involved many pairs of high-waisted checked shorts and Hawaiian flowered shirts.

After finally shaking off the sales assistant, they moved further down the swimwear department. They passed one pieces ("Too plain" was Hermione's verdict), bikinis ("Um…no thanks") and finally, tankinis ("Perfect.")

She picked a selection of halter necks, some with tropical prints, others plain. She eventually settled on a plain black halter neck and seeing as there was a buy one get a second half price deal, she also chose a blue-turquoise tropical print one. Ron also conned her into getting a chocolate brown bikini, on the grounds that, "25 of the profits go to charity for this one, and if the others are in the wash you'll need a spare,"

They then quickly chose a bunch of sarongs, shorts and singlets, before heading off to menswear for Ron. They were met there by another irritatingly perky and persistent sales assistant, this time a young, southern American.

"Hi, can I help you?" she said in a lilting Texan accent.

"No, thanks, we're just looking," Hermione said firmly.

"Ok, great! Now I see you have all the swimwear you need," she said, nodding at Hermione, but then she turned to Ron. "But it looks like you could do with some help."

Once again, they knew that struggle was pointless. They meekly followed her, thinking that if they agreed with everything she said then they could get it over with as fast as possible and then put it back and choose their own stuff.

She strode directly into menswear this time, and then into swimwear. Instead of stopping at board shorts, as both Ron and Hermione had hoped, she walked straight on by and stopped only when they reached the Speedos section. Ron mentally wailed.

The perky sales lady picked out various sickeningly small pairs of Speedos so fast she could have been on steroids. She then chucked them – and Ron – into the nearest changing room. Hermione placidly wondered if anyone who was hired by this store had to complete a course called, "How To Make Your Customer Feel As Uncomfortable As Possible So Eventually They Will Get So Distraught They Will Buy Anything You Tell Them To Just To Get Rid Of You, Regardless Of The Ludicrous Price."

Five minutes later, Ron poked his out through the door. The sales assistant jumped up and cried, "Let's see now, sexy!"

Ron looked like he wanted to cry. He took a very small step to the side so he could be seen.

Hermione was not prepared for anything like this. The Speedos were tiny, and looked more like Tarzan's loincloth than actual swimwear. The sales assistant beamed and proclaimed, "Now if there is one way to get a girl's attention it is to wear swimmers like that!"

Hermione thought at that exact moment, "Now if there's one way to turn a girl off, it is to wear swimmers like that."

They managed to shoo off the second assistant and Ron ran to put all the revolting clothes back. He picked out a few pairs of plain board shorts, which they ended up putting on the "To Buy" list, along with a few T-shirts.

Finally they were done. They raced for the checkout and paid, then walked as fast as they could away from the House of Horrors.

Next on their list of things to do was organise work arrangements for both of them and figure out who would look after the cats, etcetera. They went home and Hermione owled a few people, arranging that her friend Suzy would take her shifts if Hermione could fill in for her when she was away or needed a break. Ron reluctantly Flooed to his work, to talk to his boss about what was going to happen with his job. He picked up his coat, kissed Hermione on the cheek (who was presently sitting on the couch flipping through a catalogue – she was looking for a present to buy for Suzy, to say thanks) and left.

He got into his office, where Damien, his boss, was hunched over a piece of parchment, scribbling furiously. Damien was a portly, middle-aged man, who was pleasant and kind. Most people got on well with him and were surprised when they found out he was not married and had no children. He looked up when he heard Ron's footsteps.

"Ah, Weasley, good to see you. Now, if you've got a minute, I need you to run this report over to editorial management, so they can check it-"

"Actually, Damien, I need to talk to you," Ron began. "I'm going away on my honeymoon-"

"Honeymoon? When did you get married?" he exclaimed.

Ron internally rolled his eyes. Damien was notoriously absent minded and forgetful. "About a month ago, Damien, you were at the wedding. Remember?"

"Oh yes…that's right. Forgot about that. Carry on."

"Yeah, well, we're going on our honeymoon at the end of the week, and we'll be away for about three months. Is that ok?"

"Of course it is! Young chap like you should see the world. But um…who's going to do my filing?"

Well you could try it, Ron thought grouchily. Instead he said, "Well, I've put an ad up for someone interested, and we'll start the interviews either later today or tomorrow."

"Oh today, of course! Can they come in maybe in an hour?"

"I think that should work – most of them are just juniors on various magazines or newspapers, looking for a bit of a change. I told them that it would be an 'invaluable learning experience,'"

"Bet they lapped that right up!" snorted Damien. "Those young 'uns. They'd believe anything!"

"Right…" Ron mused. "Well, I'll go and contact them and make sure they can make it. Just so you know, I haven't actually spoken to any of these people, I've just read their resumes that they sent in."

But Damien had gone back to scribbling. Ron sighed and went out to find the various eager, hopeful reporters.

By 5:00 that afternoon, he had managed to round up every single one of the candidates who were sitting nervously outside Ron and Damien's office, waiting to be called in.

The first five interviews were total disasters. Most of the young hopefuls were barely older than 18, but looked about 12 in Ron's opinion. They were eager-to-please and had pretty much no initiative. Some answers to their questions (such as: "What do you hope to gain from working here for a period of three months?") included:

"Well I'd really love to work with a fine journalist such as yourself – I mean this is a job millions of young people would die for!" Yeah, filing old reports, Ron thought. Next!

"Um…I think that working here could get me discounts with your sponsors and advertisers?" Mhmm…try again.

Then came the question, "Why do you think we should pick you for this job?"

"Because I dress well."

"Because I have nice hair."

"Because I can spell 'orange'."

NEXT!

Finally, a young woman came in. Her dark brown hair was cropped pixie short and she wore denim jeans and a simple black cardigan. She carried a medium sized leather bag, big enough to fit a moneybag, a few books and any reports or papers she might have to carry around. Her pale green eyes showed that she knew how to work and could get things done, but the sparkly showed she knew how to have a good time.

"Melissa Hart?"

"That's me." She smiled.

"Right. Now, why do you think you should get this job?"

"Well, I think that I could do this job well because I have had experience working in editorial, and I can write well, and I also have quite good organizational skills."

Ok. She's doing well.

"Why do you want this job?"

"To be honest?"

"Yes, to be honest."

"I need the money. I recently moved out, and I desperately need a job. And of course, just for the general writing experience."

Ron and Damien exchanged glances. They nodded.

"Well, Melissa, it looks like you're hired."

She grinned. "Excellent, thank you so much! When do I start?"

"Monday next week, at 9:00am sharp," said Damien.

"Ok, good. I'll see you then!" and with that, she was off.

Ron finally got home and collapsed on the sofa. He just wanted to sleep. Hermione came bustling in, explaining about the arrangements for the cats and the house.

"I spoke to Ginny and Harry earlier, and they're fine to take the cats. Ginny said she could come by the house once a week to water the plants, so I think we're all set. Did you find someone to look after your job while we're away?"

"Yeah, a girl named Melissa. She seems nice enough, and I had another look at her resume. She said she had experience in editorial, but I looked her up and it turns out her father was the owner of some newspaper in America and she was writing for it since she was 12!"

"Wow…I'm sure she was a good choice then. Now, what do you feel like for dinner?"

Ron made a face, "Unh, I do not want to cook tonight. Can we just have toast and eggs or something?"

"Sure. I'll make it, you just sit back. Goodness knows you do enough cooking for us to deserve a rest."

She made them both boiled eggs and toast and, balancing it on a tray, brought it over to their wooden dining table. They ate with gusto, ravenous after a busy day. When they finished, Hermione made them tea and brought it over to the lounge room where they sat, curled up together on their couch, looking over catalogues for 'thank you' gifts for various different people. They had to get Suzy something and then of course the Weasleys, plus Harry, Neville and Luna.

"Ooh, your mum would like that, wouldn't she?" Hermione asked, pointing at a large china teapot.

"Yeah, she would actually. Hey, look at this for my dad, it's a broken television set! Sure, it wouldn't work but he'd love it anyway…"

"Great. Hmm, d'you think Ginny would wear that?" she asked, pointing out a set of robes.

The evening passed much like this, comfortable and warm. Tomorrow they'd begin on packing, after all they were leaving in just three days!

THANK YOU TO:

TheDaughterOfKings: thanks for reviewing! Just so you know, I intentionally left Hermione's maiden name because I don't really believe in giving up your name for a man. But thanks anyway!

Princess Jennifer: hey there! Glad you liked it. Are you happy I finally got off my butt and wrote! Hehe lol. Talk to you soon. xx

thehalfbloodprincess: thanks! And yes, I think I might change her name to Mrs. Granger-Weasley. Thank you for your advice!

KatydidD: hey honey. Glad you liked it! Haven't heard form you in a while, are you ok? E-mail me. xx

sophianwin: thank you for reviewing! And also I appreciate the constructive critiscm, keep it coming.

iWILLmarrydanielradcliffe: thanks! I really appreciate your nice reviews! Ok, I'll tell you about why his name is ECRIVET – it's based on the Latin word to write, and he is a journalist!

Kendra is cheese: thanks, and I'm sorry for the long wait again. Hope it was worth it!


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